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By the time I was a freshman in college slipping across a borrowed mat in my first attempts at Adho Mukha Svanasana at the campus gym, I had gotten very good at treating the present as a means to an end; it was always the destination, not the proverbial journey, that held by attention. As far back as I can remember, I’d always lived my life with a bend towards the future. I envied those who had the privilege of memories joyful enough to indulge in nostalgia, and developed a strong resiliency to life’s struggles by believing that everyone in life is allotted a certain amount of strife, and that my quota was merely dished out early. I considered myself lucky, convinced that suffering loss and trauma early must mean a bright future awaited on the horizon. And so, it was with more than mild anxiety that I sat upon my yoga mat and realized that if I were to continue keeping my eyes fixed on that which was beyond my reach, I would be at risk of waking up one day only to discover that my whole life had passed me by.
I intuited that asana was merely an entry point, and that meditation would be the gateway to the present. Much to my surprise, before meditation, indeed, taught me to find the patience to breathe and be in the moment and revealed the beauty found therein, it first taught me about myself. While in graduate school I began experimenting with meditation by simply sitting after practicing asana as the dawnlight poured through the windows of my fourth floor apartment, set to the tune of aged radiators. I have been no stranger to heartache, and at that time I was going through a particularly painful romantic disappointment. As I sat each day, the tears would come, and I would remain in my best approximation of Lotus, eyes closed, watching as my focus went deeper, the tears inevitably ceasing, leaving behind a profound sense of calm in their wake. Afterward, I would say my morning prayers, write in my journal, then go about my day. What I did not recognize then as svadhyaya and dhyana, this combination became the basis of a home practice, one that I would take with me through boundaries of identity and nationality. A few years later, when I found myself heartbroken again, I deepened my practice with the added benefit of apps and podcasts. I had no idea that the understanding that nothing lasts forever, and the sense that “this, too, shall pass”, reinscribed during my daily sittings, would arm me with an essential coping mechanism to overcome bouts of depression, and that returning to the cushion each day would become a radical act of faith in my ability to grow, which would, in turn, foster self-esteem, and, eventually, the ever elusive self-love that two degrees in Psychology could not foment.
In August of 2015 I moved to New York after seven years abroad, and began what felt like a bridge between chapters of my life. Early the next year, a friend-of-a-friend raved about Tania’s Center class, and I signed up for the two-month introductory special. It took a year of soul searching, confidence building, and class-sampling (along with countless hours of meditations, dog walks, and dharma talks) before I decided to take the plunge and earn my RYT 200 certification through Sonic Yoga. As the first person in my family to earn a college degree, until that point I’d made each of my academic moves – including three masters degrees and doctoral studies – with others in mind, but for the first time I knew that I was investing in something that was truly my own, a move that no one would have chosen for me. While reading The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali I came across the term pramāna, which Sri Swami Satchidananda defined as “correct or right knowledge”. Taken alongside other translations that include “sources of knowledge” and “measure”, the term struck me as fitting. Pramāna Wellness is both the means through which I seek to help others along their own unique paths, and is the means by which I do the same myself. Becoming a yoga practitioner was my way to uncover my truth, and becoming a yoga teacher has meant finding the courage to live a life that honors my light. This is my life’s passion, and I am so grateful to form part of a community of teachers who share the same mission.
Through Pramāna Wellness (www.pramana.live), Selena Brown brings her work as a psychotherapist to yoga and meditation instruction, seeking to help clients of all ages cultivate more empowered lives. In addition to serving as a wellness guide, Selena is a professional youth speaker, borrowing from multiple fields to help teens improve emotional intelligence by refining their interpersonal and intrapersonal skills.
