“Let go,” “release,” “avoid grasping.” These are all phrases I’ve heard countless times in over a decade of yoga classes. They are phrases I have since come to repeat as a yoga teacher since graduating from Sonic in 2017. They are phrases, in a different context, I have used with patients while helping them deliver their babies. It is only since having my beautiful baby girl 14 months ago that I came to realize I had no idea what any of that meant. For me, it took a tiny 6 pound 9 oz force of nature to show me what my attachments truly were. I unfortunately suffered a not insignificant case of postpartum depression. The first year of my child’s life, with all of its wonder, held a great deal of pain and struggle for me. I knew yoga was there for me as a support, and that helped a little, just to know I had tools available to me. The problem is that when you are a new mom, sleep deprived, scared, and depressed, these tools suddenly become like unknown artifacts discovered in an archeological dig. I simply didn’t know how to use them anymore. I believe our children come to us in our lives to show us where we need healing, what our attachments are, where we need to “let go.” For me, it was the need for order, control, and achievement.
Knowing what I needed to release in my life allowed me a space to breathe. And when I began
to breathe again, I felt I could move. And when I began to move, I began to heal. I started slow. In the beginning I simply lay on the floor on my back and inhaled as I brought my arms up over my head, then exhaled as I brought them back down. Once I felt I could manage that, I began standing in Tadasana and inhaling my arms overhead, exhaling them to by heart center, over and over and over again. When the pain became too much, I would sit in sukhasana and simply concentrate on what my hands felt like as they rested on my knee. In time, healing came.
Breathing increased, movement increased, and a spaciousness in my heart and mind reappeared.
I share all this here because I want new mothers to know that even in the best of circumstances the road will be messy. You will go days without showering. You will eat countless take out meals. You will NOT write your novel. It is possible you will feel blue, even deeply sad. You may give up on your yoga practice. The good news is, it will NOT give up on you. It is there within you, loving you, and quietly waiting for you to return. It will not judge you for your feelings, how out of shape you may or may not be, how slumped your posture is from the weight of the world on your shoulders. The even better news is that, to your baby, you are simply perfect. They see you in all your suffering and beauty and they love you unconditionally. There is nothing more powerful and moving than the love of a baby for their mother. So breathe deeply, Mamas. Hug your baby close, and know that they were sent to support you on your path in life as much as you are tasked with supporting them in theirs.
Namaste
