So Do It Wrong
Studying philosophy comforts me. I find the poetry and lofty contemplations in yogic texts soothing and full of possibility. But truthfully, constant study also feeds my inner know-it-all – the part of me that wants to have things figured out before I try them, to get it perfectly the first time, to always have the perfect (and right!) answer for everything, and to withdraw into concepts.
But here’s the thing…
Philosophy is merely a road map. Before you’ve even opened the door, it theorizes how you will travel from here to enlightenment as though it were that clear-cut blue line on Google maps. But experience is totally different than conjecture. When you’re actually on the street, variables you couldn’t have imagined pop up – y’know, stuff like plague and murder hornets and intense protests. When these challenges stare us squarely in the face, it is in this moment that the yogi does what they are most famous for: practice.
Practice is theory applied to action. Practice is what turns a blind spot into knowledge. Practice is what turns a mistake into a lesson. Practice is where we confront the obstacles as we encounter them – not on the sterile map but in messy, imperfect, unpredictable real life. One of the greatest boons I think one can receive from sustained practice is the skill of Observation.
Observation is your eternal ally. It will not reject you. It will not label things “right” or “wrong.” What it will do is offer you more space to process human and transcendent experiences alike. When you don’t know how to do something right, Observation says quite plainly, “so do it wrong.” For a recovering perfectionist like myself that’s a really hard pill to swallow, but being willing to “do it wrong” is crucial if true progress is to occur.
I don’t know the right way to be a yogi. I don’t know the right way to address my own privilege and prejudices. I don’t know the right way to talk about racial injustice and support my BIPOC friends, colleagues, and students. I don’t know the right way to respond to a pandemic. I don’t know the right way to reconcile the emotional heaviness of these situations with my internalized pressure to be productive. But I’ll try. And maybe (probably) I’ll get it wrong.
We don’t know what we don’t know. And that has to be ok. Show up, practice, observe, be imperfect, forgive yourself, show up, practice again. I believe that despite the route being obscured by events and emotions and arguments, there is an ancient inner compass that compels us to continue journeying toward the destination we initially saw on that philosophical road map. It’s why we bother to try for anything at all.
So, for the pose of the month I have chosen “a meditation seat.” I have given some examples of what that could look like, but you can choose anything that feels sustainable for a few minutes. Don’t worry about it being “right,” just sit.
Take your seat, allow your spine to get tall, deepen your breath, and just be in your own company. If it helps, you can use a meditation technique like repeating SoHam (‘so’ on the inhale, ‘ham’ on the exhale), or visualizing light travel up the spine on the inhale and down the spine on the exhale, or visualizing your chest cavity as an internal sanctuary where you can sit down at the altar of your own heart. The posture isn’t important, just pick one and observe; the technique isn’t important, just pick one and observe. Invite the power of Observation to take the form of clarity in your living.
As we collectively evolve through the unknown, may we trust in the vast embrace of the Observer. I promise to keep practicing, and I hope you do too.
A Place to Land
Yoga practice involves a homecoming. In asana class we are reminded over and over to come back to the breath. When the mind wanders in meditation we come back to the technique. We return, time and again to our focus, to the practice at hand, to the Self.
Rather than reaching outward for something we lack, yoga indicates that attainment occurs by traveling deeper within. In this Kula we will employ the energetic practices of pranayama, meditation, and contemplation in order to seek reliable landing ground of the Self.
